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  1. #1
    Vegetative Member paddyk's Avatar

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    Default Why can't I own a Canadian??

    My mother e-mailed this to me. Love it! Thought you guys might enjoy
    peace

    Subject: FW: Why can't I own a Canadian?
    >
    > In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
    > Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
    > 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following
    > response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man, and
    > posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
    >
    > Dear Dr. Laura:
    >
    > Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
    > have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
    > knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
    > homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
    > 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.
    >
    > I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
    > of God's Laws and how to follow them.
    >
    > 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
    > female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
    > claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
    > clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
    >
    > 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
    > Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
    > price for her?
    >
    > 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
    > period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do
    > I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
    >
    > 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    > pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
    > claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
    >
    > 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
    > clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
    > him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
    >
    > 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    > abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
    > I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?
    >
    > 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God, if I have
    > a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
    > my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
    >
    > 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
    > around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
    > 19:27. How should they die?
    >
    > 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    > unclean, but may I still play football, if I wear gloves?
    >
    > 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
    > crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
    > two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
    > curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
    > trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
    > Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we
    > do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).
    > I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
    > considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
    > Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
    >
    > Your adoring fan.
    > James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
    > Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
    > University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
    > Canadian.)

  2. #2
    Shadbot 4.20 Shadimar's Avatar

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    Whew, finally.

    I read this or something very close to it online about 6 years ago and never found it again.

    Thanks for posting it
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  3. #3
    Theraputic Cannabis Dominatrix pflover's Avatar

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    Mahahaha! let he who is without sin cast the first stone.... since there is not a single human without sin we should not be trying to judge others. leave that up to god yo! gotta love that guys reply.
    Regestered PDX area TC-caregiver for 2, housewife.

    Mugen: [after finding a bag of coins in the river] We hit the pot, Jack!
    Fuu: That's jackpot!
    Mugen: All I know is we're filthy bitch!
    Fuu: Filthy rich!
    Jin: I hope your doing that on purpose.

    PRESERVE NEURAL PLASTICITY!!!

    Anit harm none...

  4. #4
    Seedling twistyman's Avatar

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    I always find that those that use religion as a tool to beat people over head with are as a whole the least forgiving and tolerant of anyone...

    extremely "un religious" IMO....

    and usually the biggest piles of camel droppings ...
    Growing weed is like watching grass grow

  5. #5
    Flowering Member Swiss miss's Avatar

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    Also being some time since I heard this one.
    Being able to laugh and joke about it like this to me breaks down barriers simply because it so not true, and yet, so very true, if you follow it word for word with-out understanding the whole context.
    Gets my thumbs up for the joke of the day

  6. #6
    Seedling

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    Quote Originally Posted by pflover
    Mahahaha! let he who is without sin cast the first stone.... since there is not a single human without sin we should not be trying to judge others. leave that up to god yo! gotta love that guys reply.
    Lets all just get stoned together and enjoy the day

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