I see so many really loving people every day, but every so often, compassionate folk get cranky, even mean. I see the triggers. I have PTSD and know how these triggers work. But I still shake my head when friends turn and become enemies. Each of us have to look ourselves in the mirror - do you like what you see? Why do you behave badly at times? Why do I?

We are humans - each with all the feelings and experiences humans have. Remembering that we are human, and not perfection, helps me to stand in someone else's shoes. So much of our mean moments are just reactions to things that trigger the negative emotions. If we could S L O W D O W N our reactions - we would have time to chose some other response. I say response as a response is a choice. Reactions happen because there is little or no thinking. We need time to think.

So how do you slow down something, that happens so fast? Self awareness and self knowledge helps. You gain such knowledge by watching yourself. If you set your mind on a task - to watch yourself. Soon your mind is attracted to something else - it could be anything. When you see yourself NOT watching yourself - just refocus and watch yourself. This simple technique has meditative benefits. I have done this over 33 years - I know myself well. I also love myself. When you watch yourself - you will see things you do not like, or maybe something you like much. If you stop watching, and let yourself be filled with the chains of reactions you have to the truth about your self, you have stopped watching. Watching requires you to observe without censoring, defending, accusing, or commenting. That is thinking and not watching. If you watch, you will remember. Then later, you may analyze or self comment. Watching is the raw data of your life. All your physical pains, and joys, all your thoughts, all feelings, all observations.

Let me give an example. I am watching myself. I see my thoughts and feelings. I see my hands type, I feel the keyboard. I hear the keyboard sounds as also the whine of the cooling fan. Now the refrigerator in the next room is running. I feel my belly. I am hungry. I am aware of my whole body. My thoughts. My feelings. ... This can be taken to very find detail - experience seems infinite. You observe it all as a gestalt experience.

Much can be learned about yourself, and everything if you do this. When you begin to understand self - you begin to understand others. We are all so alike. In fact, if you watch very closely, you will realize that we are all connected - we are one. As you grow in awareness of self - you will start to love yourself as you really are. Many people find a fantasy of who they are easier to accept than the truth of self. That is a lie. The truth is far better as it sets you free to make choices for yourself. Most people have some kind of emotional or mental problems. You will begin to see yours when you watch. You start to identify buried memories of injuries - as you remember - see your feelings and thoughts - watch closely - the key to your freedom is near.

The door to freedom is masked with all the emotions which tend to keep us from examining the truth. I called the lock on my cell door SHAME. Shame is an emotion so powerful and unpleasant - it keeps us from looking clearly. We want to look away - to deny the truth. Once I saw the lock, I examined it closely. It hurt me beyond words. Like placing your hand in fire - it is unpleasant to say the least. My usual reaction would be to turn and run away from the pain, but I did not do that, the last time. I found that the cell was my own creation - an imaginary place where I had lived so long. I found out the cell had no door or lock. Only my fear of facing the truth. I finally accepted that I am human. Humans are not perfect - so why should I be?

I left that cell in 2003 - I also started living a new life from that moment. I found out about the dark side of people - we all have dark sides. I turned on the light - now I see what I tried to ignore. I found long lists of secretes which I was ashamed to reveal even to myself. That was the day I stared walking naked - I have no secretes. I tell on myself all the time. With nothing to hide or fear - my life has taken on a new direction. I started this site with the purpose to set all captives free. I wanted to teach forgiveness and restoration of relationships. The most important relationship is the one with self. Without solid self love - there is no way anyone can love anyone else.

Each of you has the resources to discover yourself as I did. All you need to do is watch yourself live. It is very easy and often very interesting. Watching self is actually a form of therapy (also meditation) - it is so as long as we observe without reactions. NO self criticism. No excuses. Truth - black and white - we are not who we are told that we are. We are much more than imagination can understand. I have been teaching watching for several years. Those who learn this are transformed. We begin to know and understand and accept ourselves for who and what we are. We are all precious. I challenge all who read this to give this a trail. Do not fear - anything. It is worth the time you spend doing this.

clinton